My first cousin , we met often and he was probably the only brother i knew when i was 3 or maybe 2 years.
I, my sister and him we all played these little games together and he always tried to physically get close to us .. it was never discomforting that time for i did not realize it was wrong . A little peck on the cheek and then a little fondling around the stomach, it was a part of the game for me until a few years later when i was learning how to use a phone and went up to him for help. While he transferred music into the new cell phone he made me sit on him and i felt something while i sat on him , it was weird. He moved his hands towards my private parts and his face near the neck what ever that was i wanted to run from him that time. Once , twice , thrice and always when i met him, it kept growing. I was 16 when he spoke to me .. he said “ have you ever kissed?” and the next moment he got onto me , my brother was my first kiss.This went on for 19 years of my life , i never told anyone in my family nor do i plan to . He thankfully doesn’t do it anymore but his face always reminds me of everything he tried on me , making me feel like an experimenting body. Every year i tie a Rakhi to him and we celebrate bhaiya dooj , so I’ve never spoken to him and i dread when ever he comes near me even if its just accidentally crossing each other . I hate to be left alone with him in a room for 10 seconds also it makes my heart beat faster for obvious reasons.
Being a girl , being a girl in India , reading such sibling abuse articles i learnt keeping shut was one good option . The woman in me regrets it each second though there will be so many like me who have and probably are still going through such things and i don’t really blame them for not reporting it.
The reason i did not tell any one about it was fear , the fear that my parents might not do anything about it or the fear that i might have to go through some sorts of ban or they’d probably ask me to shut my mouth. In each of the above cases i would have gone through a terrible meantal trauma probably worst than the trauma of being sexually abused because if my parents too behaved in a diplomatic manner or put it on me i probably won’t know which door to knock next. He tried to apparently fuck his real sister as well and when his real sister and i sit together i know she’s been through a torture worst than me but i still cannot discuss it with her she cannot either its a secret we just want to burry in the darkness .
This isn’t a letter to encourage any one to keep quite about it but its a slap an indirect slap on the state of women in this country , a slap to every parent who is conservative , who is a puppet in the hands of the society and a slap to a brother who is so high on lust that probably one day he will not even spare his own mother .. Kab Badlega India??