Confessions

When I and My Brother Was 3 We Used to Play Together Which Ruined Our Beautiful Relation

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confession-responsible

After Reading Must Comment That Who Is Responsible for this ?

I am not a student but I was the part of this great university . I am a mother of two children who has so much in her heart to confess. I have so many questions in my mind. I am posting this confession to know who is responsible for this? Should I feel guilty ? and so many unsaid questions…..

It has been around 15 years and not even once have I ever gathered the courage to speak about this to anyone; not even to my own parents, husband or my very close friends. But today I am going to confess something because now this mistake or sin whatever you want to say , has completely broken me from inside. I am completely shattered and I don’t want that anyone else face such situation in their life. I want to aware all the parents who are busy in their own life despite of fact their children are growing to. What are the games children are playing? What are the things they are watching? Please keep an eye on them and tell them what is right or wrong. Be open to your children, talk to them. Time has changed now. Today’s generation has completely different ideology than ours.
I want to share some terrifying years of my life which completely changed the picture of my life…
My age was around four and my brother was three. We used to go school together, play together. We were like perfect siblings. One day when we both were alone at home, we started playing doctor doctor like other children but that childish game completely changed the definition of a pious beautiful relation.

That game was not limited till hajmola candy which we used to take as pill or glucose or supari water which we used to take as a syrup but it was something more. Completely unknown about things what we are doing we started playing with each other’s inner parts in order to give injection and check up. This game was not ended there. We started doing this at our bed time also and this thing continues till our teen age.
At 12 I started feeling some changes in my body. We started playing with those changes also. We both were totally unaware what we are doing and what could be it’s consequences.
We never had S*X , but we did so much to each other.
I am thankful to that day when my parents decided to send me to my bua’s place to study and that thing ended there but that was just the end of that child game. Time of regret, guilt and shame had started.
After few years when we both became mature to understand things and our past mistakes we started ignoring each other. Toady also we are not even comfortable to face each other. We both are guilty within ourselves and this guilt is eating both of us day by day.
Saturday was Rakshabandhan , festival of brother sister’s love and affection. This day always reminds me that how cursed I am , I have a brother with whom I want to share that bond which millions of girls do with their brother but I can’t.
I always have a question in mind.. Who is responsible for all this?
I do have a daughter and son. Each day I fight with this fear. I never allow them to play together , sleep together . I know it’s wrong but what about my fear which I have in my heart locked since years………………………………………….

 

 

3 Comments

  1. It is not your mistake and not even your brother’s.. It happened unknowingly as you both were kids. What can we do about it?? Write your pain/guilt in a paper and give it to your brother. Ask him to forgive as you are the elder one. I am sure all the bitterness in your relation will be resolved.

  2. Abhishek Zinge Reply

    No one is responsible for this. that just happen “Unknowingly”. dont feel guilt for this one. “Bro & Sis is Buetifull Relation god has ever made”. try to dare to talk with him. convey him that jo hua wo nadani se hua… confidently tell him. dont regreat, take him in confidence. you havent made any crime. forget the past embrace the rest future of the “Holy” Relation of Brothers and Sisters. now ahead, dont miiss the oppurtunity to tie “rakhi” to him. and also on deewali for bhai dooj. if you will talk to each other you will feel very light and very happy for your self. Brother and Sister is very Emotional bond to each other wich mighty god has made. remember one, there is no Friend Like Sister in this world to any brother.

  3. Samarth Singh Reply

    TO THE WRITER of this experience:- I wish to help you with this problem of yours.
    Are you interested in knowing who’s wrong, or do you just want to mend your relations with your brother?
    Our society is wrong. People inculcate no guidelines to themselves for their kids. I’ve seen girls and boys, as young as 1-7 year old stark naked in real life. Poverty, one reason. Carelessness another. What’s the use if you’re banning child pornography, when one uncle of this so called society can’t buy her a dress?? And should your baby girl roam around without clothes, just because she’s a child?? I’m against the double standards of our society!
    Even exploitation against a child is hardly objected. Go ahead, kiss a child on the lips. It is India, who gives a damn? But isn’t this wrong?

    COMING TO YOUR PROBLEM:-

    See, if you really want to mend relations, may I tell you the only way to do so? Yes, Communication. Unless you talk about it, nothing will change because you can’t just shake hands without a clear talk first.
    You need to talk over phone, or better yet SMS or email. You don’t need to go into the past. Just get to the point: he will understand it easily, I am sure.

    Talk something on lines, similar to these:- “”We’ve wasted few years not talking to each other due to a confused disturbed childhood, and I hate it that on occasions like Rakhi, Diwali, I can’t celebrate it with a joyful heart, because of the gap that has come between us…
    My only wish is that you start talking with me, so that we can celebrate the future occasions and festivals like a true brother and sister, without a heavy heart.
    My apologies and I await your reply on this….””

    Let me get it clear-: If you don’t talk, you will never solve the problem and have a heavy heart all your life. Knowing that you wasted a life due to such an issue. Life is a gift, not to be wasted on such inhibitions.

    I’m a college lecturer, and a matured, sensitive one. Few people trust me with their secrets and I’ll keep them till end of time.
    If you want my help at this, you can contact me anonymously on Facebook. Create a fake profile if you want, and share the phone number/ email of your brother, and I will talk and explain it to him emphatically, without causing any problem.
    I’ll be happy and consider myself useful, if I can repair your broken relation. 🙂

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